In Stillness I Sing

All texts except for Movements 9 & 10 were written by singers of the San Francisco Girls Chorus between December 2020 and January 2021.

1. In Stillness I Sing (Lois McTrang)
I am hopeful for human interaction. All the things I didn't know how much I loved. I want to hug my friends. I want to sit in a crowded place together. I want to sing on the tightly packed, slightly wobbly risers, to laugh so hard that I fall to the floor. I want to be on the starting line, my breath coming out in nervous clouds and mingling with all the others girls' as we prepare to run. I want to lean over and complain to a classmate about all the homework that we've been getting. I want to share a huge bag of chips with my friends at chorus. I just want to LIVE.

2. Connected (Ruby Rae Recht-Appel)
I think that something that I’ve lost during this crazy mess of a year, this crazy mess of a pandemic – wow, is, I’ve definitely lost a lot of connections to people and I feel like even the people I’m in touch with there’s always that in-person connection of seeing friends in the hallways or interacting with teachers or singing next to people that you may not know the best, that I miss and that I’ve lost during all of this. But, on a more positive note, something that I’ve gained is, probably the connection I have to myself – and I think that sounds kind of silly (oh there’s my dog barking) – but I feel like I’ve really found more of myself during this whole thing and it’s let me explore different parts of myself that I never really thought were important to understand – even the simple things of what colors I like together in art...and art and creating and music and passion and I think that without the pressures and social pressures that a teenager normally has, me being sixteen years old, I feel like that's allowed me to discover myself and in an individualistic (is that a word? I think so) way instead of the pressures of everyone else figuring themselves out kind of pushing me along. It’s let me have that opportunity to connect – with me.

3. Milestones (Sophia Zuzga, Calla Kra-Caskey, Maireid McAfee Cohen, Annika Pyo)
Eighteen and a senior / My last chorus camp / I've been mourning the loss of myself as a prom queen / Something I was really looking forward to / Oh, I'll do them my senior year, like I was gonna go to prom, I was gonna do all of these things and then quarantine happened and I was like, "oh – maybe not!" / I probably won't get a chance to experience those, or at least in the same way that most people would / Spending time with people from chorus and from school / Senior Picnic / Relationships and experiences / I guess I won't get to do stereotypical teenage things / Hallmarks of my high school experience.

4. Sitting and Spinning (Valentina Kornach, Sadie Habas)
Sitting in the same seat, not even changing rooms for an entire six hours a day and that's only school. Then there was also chorus and my other activities that changed to online. So really I was sitting somewhere for about hmmm, let's say eight to ten hours a day, the same chair. Of course, that chair broke.

A lot of my major life events of the past year have been in this office with me sitting on this chair, like you know my first day of senior year of high school and my last camp in SFGC and numerous college interviews and voice recordings for college. So, not only is the chair representative of just comfort and happiness, it's also representative of milestones in my life and so I think I'll forever associate that sound of me spinning on my chair with those milestones.

5. Sun Filled Hands (Alex Fisher)
I feel like I’ve gained a lot more than I’ve lost. I’ve always seen the world very colorfully and very much so in depth and my family would tell you that. I’m always pointing out how pretty the clouds look and what the sun is doing and I love the beach, we’re always at the beach and I’m always wanting to be in nature and see these beautiful things but, originally at the beginning of covid, everyone kind of lost that and even though it was always still there, it just gained so much more meaning I think for myself personally and a lot of people. It’s a playground that never shuts down. And I feel like the things that used to be a little bit more colorless now just have so much more meaning and are so much more deeply appreciated if you will.

6. Presence (Ellee Bamberger)
So, at the beginning of the pandemic my Dad was working in England, 'cause that's where his job currently is, and because the pandemic hit he couldn't really come home for a while and I hadn't seen him for seven months. He came home in September, and that was nice, he was home for a little bit, but then the second wave hit and now he can't be home for Christmas or anything, which really sucks, so I feel like I kinda lost him – I mean, oh my god, he's not dead I swear, he's not dead, he's fine. He's just away and I think, yes that was because of his job but also it was the pandemic because he would have been able to come home for Christmas and Thanksgiving and New Year's if there wasn't anything in the way of that. Something I've gained...what have I gained? I think I've gained a sense of myself that was made possible by the amount of time I was alone with myself. What have I learned from that, I'm not sure, but I definitely got time to think and time to be able to question things without having to go out into the world with half answered questions.

7. Breakout (Annika Pyo)
As far as relationships I think I've gotten a lot clearer of an idea of who my really close friends are, like who are the people I'm not just friends with out of convenience and that I can still feel close to, without seeing them every day. When it comes to friendships, quality over quantity is everything. At the end of the day, it's more important to have people who really care about you, and people who are going to be there even when you don't necessarily see them in person. It's been interesting figuring out, how do I receive love? How do I still show love to other people when I'm alone? It's also made me think about my relationship with work. What really is the point of doing all this work? I feel like I spend so much time studying and practicing and rehearsing. Quarantine has made me think about like, why do I actually do these things and what is my relationship with my idea of success? So, that's been interesting, I guess. And when it comes to experiences...dude, I'm like in a breakout room by myself now.

8. Absence (Kelsey Shei Greenberg)
I lost my twenty-seven-year-old cousin, I lost my sixty-year-old uncle and I lost my classmate and I lost the ability to be with family and friends when they needed me most and in the hardest times in our lives. Yeah.

9. And Still I Sing (Theresa Wong)
All is still
Still I sing

10. Sounds of Home (Theresa Wong)
The sounds of home,
the sounds from home
My home!

11. January 6, 2021 (Sami Kingsbury)
We’re smart humans here, right? Right? We’re smart humans but there’s still a coup on the capitol that the FBI knew about. Yes, I’m gonna take this moment to rant about the FBI knowing about the coup on the capitol and not doing shit. Ya know, just another day being a debate kid seeing all this ridiculous news. But like, oh my gosh, our systems are messed up kind of news!

12. Singing Topographies (Vocal improvisation by Sadie Habas)

13. Tuned To The Sky (Ruby Rae Recht-Appel)
I have found a new love for the sky. Every single walk I go on and every time I am outside by myself the sky is always the thing that has my full attention. I always try to catch the sunset no matter where I am and I like to listen to my favorite songs while standing on the rooftop just admiring it. Every night I love to look up at the stars, even if San Francisco does not provide many as a big city. I feel more alive when I see the sky, a reminder I have a bigger purpose than just being. Heaven is so abstract and unclear to me. Then I wonder why when I think of all the things beyond as up in the sky? Maybe the sky is like a wall, protecting us from all other than what we know.